The 25^th of January marked two years since I went on extreme crash diet by hitting that pine tree while driving to an appointment at work.  The good news is I feel well.  The bad news is I have gained all that weight back and a little more.  The best part of the Friday that marked two years was I didn’t even notice.  I had checked the calendar earlier in the week and I knew the anniversary of the accident was coming up but I didn’t remember again until I checked Facebook and I saw the well wishes. 

I am happy to say that while the wreck and my recovery are integral parts of my story, they are not the defining events in my life.  I want to try and use these things to glorify God while not dwelling on the bad parts.  I want to be an example of the miracles God performs every day, not just a martyr living on the coattails of tragedy.

I am not sure if I was raised this way or if God just hard wired it into my DNA but I don’t have time to be out of commission.  There are too many fun things to do.  I joked that before the accident I had used less than 5 sick days in the 24 years I had worked before 2011 and now I have been out two solid years.  Not quite what I am accustomed to.  Normally when illness or weird stuff pops up I just roll with it and get on to the next thing on my calendar.  I have places to be and people of meet and greet.

Abby almost drowned me.  Nice segue huh? Hold on, you’ll get it.

Michelle had been moving from Goshen to her house on Henderson Highway and so I had been trying to help keep our cats and dogs, Apollo and Abby, until she got her fenced yard.  Since I still have our old house on Hampton Avenue the animals had been staying there and I had been spending as much time with them as possible.  It worked out well however I should have remembered they are just as crazy as I am so it is best to be ready for anything.

Apollo is our big white German Shepherd.  We adopted him as a puppy when we still lived in Florida and he has grown up with the kids.  He has much personality and I am sure I will share more about him in the future.  After we moved to Troy a puppy that was a mix of Black Lab and something else wound up on our steps and she instantly fell in love with Apollo; becoming his.

We couldn’t find the owners of the puppy and we began to think someone dropped her off in our neighborhood just to get rid of her.  We of course were suckered in and adopted her but as I said; she was Apollo’s from the beginning and to this day they are inseparable.   

When I took them back over to Hampton one of the first things they did was jump in the pool.  German Shepherds and Labs love water and since they were used to getting in it when we lived there so they hopped right back in.  We had drained the pool to clean it and rain water had filled it from the deep end up to the edge of the shallow end.  After the dogs jumped into the water they were able to walk up to the sloped area around the middle of the pool but they could get no farther. 

Kelsey and I watched with a mixture of horror and amusement as they began trying to swim/claw their way back onto the dry shallow end.  The vinyl liner was so slick that they were not able to get any traction and needed help.  I carefully climbed into the pool and got each of them out.   They seemed to have a new fear of swimming and I was glad of it.  Just to be safe Kelsey and I set up a barricade around the steps to keep them out. 

Concerned that this might happen again, I pumped the water out of the pool and believed I had drained it to a safe level.  I did not want to climb down to the bottom and test it but I was confident that if they were to get back in they wouldn’t drown.  Then I left the opening to the steps unblocked believing they were afraid of the pool now and they would be safe from drowning if they went in.

It is here that I would like to pause and reflect on what a joy it is to own a pool.  We purchased the house from a ninety plus year young lady who showed us a sparkling oasis in her back yard that was so clean the reflection from the sun blinded us.  Turns out in more ways than one; we were tricked!  We were bamboozled!  We were lied to! We were used! 

When I was young I learned that a boat is a hole in the water that you throw money into.  As an adult I have learned that a pool is a hole in the ground that you throw money into.

 It is amazing the rate as to which algae can grow and take over not just the color of the water but of your life.  Chemicals are not cheap and there is no one potion that cures all that ails.  I have learned to test for chlorine, bacteria, polio and staph infection.  Lowes, Wal-Mart and the local pool supply house love to see me coming.  I know they are chuckling as I wearily enter their stores with bleach stained clothes carrying my latest water sample.  I trudge over to the counter and wait as they give me my next prescription.  Do we shock it, treat it, drain it, blow it up?  Whatever it is I can’t afford it.  Of course I can’t afford not to treat it either.  I have heard of a family only two blocks away that left their pool untreated and the algae grew to the point it silently took over their whole house and ate it.  Now there is only a vacant lot where their home once stood.  The empty chemical bottles that lay strewn across the abandoned home site are a warning to be diligent in caring for pools.

The leaves wonderfully shade our house in the summer but will drop come fall and they will get sucked into a vortex that is directly connected to the surface of the water.  Every day the light covering of discarded foliage tricks us into thinking that only a couple of dips with our net will remove the problem.  An hour later there seem to be more leaves than when I started and I am late to where ever I was going.

Like a giant mood ring, the color of the pool would reflect my attitude for the day.  My son’s room looks over the back yard and when I would wake him in the morning I would reluctantly peer out the window to see what was in store for my day.  If it were clear my body would seem to instantly become lighter and I would float through the rest of the morning secure in the knowledge that as a man I had done my job and was free to resume conquering the world.  These days were few and far between.  Most days I was greeted with some shade of green that varied from just a hint to full out dark pit of despair with an assortment of wind strewn leaves, branches, varmints, and anything else the pit could eat while we slept.  These days were filled with dreams of truck loads of dirt and houses with no concrete ponds.

There were good days.  On these days the concoctions of potions that we treated the water with were just right.  On these days the water was free of debris and it seemed almost inviting.  My family would suit up and jump in.  I remember with fondness the afternoons when my backyard was be filled with the sounds of the laughter of adults and children alike. 

I would come home from work and our trampoline would be pulled close to the pool and somehow the swing-set would have migrated closer as well.  This would suggest that my son and his Evil Knievel gang of friends were jumping from the top of the swing to the trampoline to the diving board and then into the pool.  My heart would stop and I would separate the instruments of destruction and issue a stern warning against dying while I wasn’t home.  Of course I could barely hide my wonder at how cool it must have been to fly through the air and into the water.  Later I would hear of the myriad of tricks and dares that were performed all while my insurance agent peacefully existed unaware of this disregard for life and limb a safe distance away.

I of course knew better than to let my guard down.  I understood that this truce between myself and this monster that yearned for my wallet, my sanity and my soul was only temporary.  I knew that it wanted me to get in, it needed me to believe the lie that it was attempting to perpetrate.  I would not, could not forget what was really at stake.  One slip up and I would never be seen again and not even a slight burp would mark my demise.  I would be gone and then the next victim would be scouted.

 I vowed to stand vigilant and protect my family and my honor from this abomination.

I realize that you think I am being overly dramatic but I have proof.  Let’s get back to the story of our Black Lab, Abby, attempting to drown me.

As I said, I thought I had drained the pool to a safe level and that my dogs would be protected.  Unbeknownst to me the pool had played a trick on me…again.  Water had gotten under the liner and while bottom appeared to provide a safe landing area for anything that might slip down there, it was actually a vinyl trap designed to capture and devour hapless prey.

Speaking of hapless; I left the dogs outside while I went to the University.  Upon my return I was greeted by Apollo and his tennis ball but no Abby.  After looking around I heard her whines coming from the bottom of the pool.  The color drained from my face as I saw what she had gotten herself into.  She was at the bottom and her body was completely under water leaving only her head sticking out from what seemed to be a murky and leaf filled death trap.

I realized what I must do and without thinking, (imagine that) I attempted to creep slowly down the slickery slope to rescue her.  I cannot complain about Abby’s intelligence if I am dumb enough to go into this snare without a rope, a stick or anything to help me get out.  I did not even stop to empty my pockets.  As I entered the deepening end of the pool I, of course, lost my footing and slid into the muck next to Abby.  It was deeper and so much colder (January) than I had expected.  I quickly tried to hop up to my feet and inspect my situation.

The water was up to my thighs and was as cold as ice.  The parts of the pool that were not under water were covered with a light coating of slime which prevented me or Abby from getting any traction.  The ladder that led to the deep end was just out of my reach.  My phone was in my pocket and the speaker was damaged when I had gone under water.  I couldn’t climb out, I couldn’t call anyone, Abby was scared and trying to climb up my body, Apollo was not pulling a Lassie and going to get help; I was stuck.

I first tried carefully climbing out.  I would slowly slide my crippled legs up the angle of the pool and pray that they continued to grip the bottom.  I repeatedly got close to the edge of the shallow end only to lose my footing and plunge back into the deep end.  Each time I would fall Abby would whiningly try to rescue herself by climbing to the safety of my submerged body. 

All joking aside; it was at this point I realized if I didn’t slow down and think of something I was in trouble.  With all of the water that had collected under the pool liner; what  Abby and I were trying to walk on was like a giant, half filled, very slick, water balloon.  Every time I would stand up the displaced water would fill the areas around my legs and grip them and start swallowing me.  I would finally get my balance by keeping one hand outstretched to the bottom.  My other hand would be on Abby unsuccessfully trying to calm her. 

It was becoming more and more apparent that I was in a very tricky spot.  My attempts to reach the ladder were met with much flailing and sliding back into the lowest section of the deep end.  I had tossed my useless phone to dry ground so there would be no dialing for help.  None of neighbors that would have been within earshot were home which meant yelling was useless.   I was trapped. 

At forty-four years old and somewhat disabled I was stuck at the deep end of a rank and disgusting pool with a panicking dog and seemingly no way out.  I had no one to call and no one was coming.  I wouldn’t be missed for another five hours until I failed to pick Kelsey up school.  The water temperature was just above freezing and one minute my legs kept locking up from the low temperature and their usual pained and semi-paralyzed condition.  The next minute my healing right leg would give out from the constant strain I was putting on the muscles to keep my balance. 

I carefully stood up and became very still.  My weight pushed up enough of the pool liner to provide Abby with some form of support and she became more calm.

I closed my eyes and gave into the understanding that only through God would I get out.

He quickly calmed my heart and opened my eyes to the fact that with deliberate and purpose driven actions I would be released from this test.

I surveyed my options.  In one area the liner of the pool had been torn and it revealed the concrete foundation underneath.  I was reluctant to cut the liner any more than it already was for fear that I would need to replace it and I just don’t have the resources to spend another $3000.00.  It became evident that there really was no other choice and the liner was going to need to be replaced anyway.

I pulled out my pocket knife, opened it, carefully bent over and started opening a seam that I could place my foot in and get some traction.  I slowly worked my way up the incline and made it to the top.  Then I grabbed the garden hose and used it to repel my way back into the deep end and retrieved Abby.  We were both soaked and needed to warm up and dry off.

We both survived and when I tell people about it I try and play it down.  I mean how bad could falling into a mostly drained swimming pool be?  It could be very bad.  It is easy to underestimate the danger that I was in.  I can only tell you that I have a hard enough time getting around on dry ground with these two internally mangled legs that I have.  Being in that pool was awful.  I can only say that the view from the bottom is a lot scarier than the view from the top.  

God uses the craziest things to get my attention.  Many times when I would wake up in the hospital I would momentarily forget where I was but God kept my mind calm.  There would be the initial natural instinct to panic because my body wouldn’t respond.  It was like an out of body experience to open my eyes and see myself in a paralytic state.  My mind was talking but my limbs were not reacting to the orders my brain was sending.  Peace would ease over me and I would know that even as I faced this uncertain future God had me here for a reason and He would continue to be there to catch me.  

 As I said; funny how God uses these moments to clearly and loudly speak within me.  In my life right now I feel that I am constantly one step ahead of shear panic.  My mind starts to wander toward the knowledge that as I stay unemployed my bills are stacking up.  I try and navigate the waters of financial aid to pay for Trey’s college tuition next year and my mind just wants to shut down.  I am getting notice after notice from the mortgage company and I cannot figure out whether to just let the house go or not, I just can’t afford it on disability.  Kelsey will be driving soon and that means another car and more insurance.  And more, more, more…

As I get those fears under control Satan reminds me that the last two times I went to see the Urologist he ordered x-rays of my pelvic region and both times they showed HO.  More bone growth in the wrong place.  My brain tells me that it is just there from when it was growing initially after the accident.  My fears start growing though because I know someone who had to have HO removed from their pelvis and the operation was a success but it was agony.  I am still learning how to walk so I really don’t want to start over again.  What other problems am I facing physically that I don’t know about? Will I ever stop hurting? 

I worry that I am not providing what my kids need.  I feel so worthless with no job and it doesn’t help that I don’t know what I will be doing.  I want to live in my own house again; with my room, rooms for Trey and Kelsey, all the things we had worked so hard for.   

 I want my life back DAMMIT!  I have been abandoned, beaten, drugged, ripped open, cut on, stapled, stitched, poked, prodded, chided, lied to, humiliated, berated, hated, misrepresented, underappreciated, used, hurt, made fun of, left for dead and I am so tired.  I am so weary.  I am so alone.  My life has become so heavy that there are days I feel that just cannot carry its weight anymore.   

This is the pool that I spent much of the fall trying to escape.  This is the murk that threatens to grab me and swallow me whole.  I had never known what true depression was but I have seen life from the bottom and it is scary.

God is letting me know that in order to get out of this sink hole that I am drowning in I first need to be still and pray.  After I have begun to feel the peace of the Lord come over me I can begin to study the options that are available.  There will be some area of my life that will need to be cut but if I can manage to get through the slimy outer covering of my problems I will find a solid place to plant my feet.  If I will not get ahead of myself and God’s plan for my life, I will slowly rise back to the top and out into the sun where I can then be alive again.  I need not be afraid of going back in as long as I remember to hold onto my faith and let God be there to pull me out.

Now I am so excited about my life.  I have been blessed with so many great opportunities and these last two years have been hell/Heaven.  I told you that “I have been abandoned, beaten, drugged, ripped open, cut on, stapled, stitched, poked, prodded, chided, lied to, humiliated, berated, hated, misrepresented, underappreciated, used, hurt, made fun of, left for dead…”  and that “I am so tired.” 

This may be true but I have also been found, accepted, healed, prayed over, befriended, cared for, housed, soothed, comforted, empathized with, taught, hugged, kissed, bandaged, given to, laughed with, built up, strengthened, coached, cried with, loved and forgiven.  I have and will continue to go through much.  I can say with a large amount of pride that my life has not been boring.  I can also say that I am glad to be here. 

I am learning every day that the measure of my worth does not begin with the events that occurred over two years ago.  My life began when God planned me and my time on the Earth will only end when He has no more need of me here.  For now I will try and stand up and rest in the knowledge that only through Him can I live a life worth living.  I only need to look as far as my recent past to see the miracles He has done in my life. 

I have so much to do, so many place to be and many more people to meet, greet and thank.  I don’t have time to be stuck at the bottom of a pool of muck whether it be in my back yard or in my mind.  There are too many fun things to do out there to waste time dwelling on the negative.

 I thank you God for the last two years, thank you God for the years before that and thank God you for the years that I have to come.